“You will never have an enlightened being invade your sovereign space. They will always ask your permission, and will work with you on what is allowed and what is not.”    Kathy Perry

Our Childhood Influences

From a young age most of us were taught that it is not appropriate to steal from one another. When a child comes up and takes a toy out of the hand of another child, generally an adult will intervene and explain to the children that it is not ok to simply take things out of another’s hands. One must ask permission. And if permission is denied for whatever reason, that must be respected.

As we get older, things can get a little more complex, and the lines in the sand between good and bad can become “grey”. What is the definition of stealing? Of Dishonesty? Of manipulation? For example, often a kid will learn how to ask permission from a parent without disclosing the full details of the intent. Key details are omitted or twisted in order to get the parent to say yes. Some would consider this just a kid testing their boundaries, exploring their limits. Others may consider this the beginning of a very dark road ahead.

What is true is that a great deal of our opinions about what is right and what is wrong originate in childhood. And our “hot buttons” on what we will tolerate from another human is quite different amongst people, mostly to do with what we did or did not experience or learn in our childhood. What is also true is that we have been tolerating a lot more than we should, mostly because we didn’t know any better. We were never taught a lot about our “sovereign space” in childhood, and most of our parents, unwittingly, violated some of our most basic rights simply because “that’s the way it was back then”. As the light shines onto the planet, as the vibration is increasing, many of our belief systems as to what is ethical, what is permissible, what behaviours are acceptable, are being challenged. And it certainly evokes a lot of emotions from all sides.

Reconciling Freedom

We are beginning to see the light, but we are still stuck between two worlds. We are often surrounded by people in our lives who cling to some very “traditional views” on the way life works. But what we are beginning to see is that often “traditions” take the form of one or more people living off the avails of another. Of course the one benefiting does not want to make the change, and will cling to their “tradition” as long as possible. While the one being enslaved is often far too tired, too afraid, and too intertwined to speak up or find a way out.

As people begin to escape from the “traditional” mindset, and freedom is theoretically unleashed upon them, you would think this would be a time to rejoice. But often people are just not equipped to handle it. They are left feeling empty and, oddly, unloved. (As opposed to being enslaved which is not an act of love but it is a form of predicability and security which is sometimes perceived as a form of love). Some type of addiction will often fill that void. It is difficult not to relate to some form of addiction. We have all felt the pull at least some point in our life. Be it coffee, ice cream, sugar, a relationship, or a drug of choice. Some of us have totally dissolved this issue. But most of us have simply learned to “manage” our addictions. And when they are “under control” they don’t typically harm too many people in our path.

For still way too many people, an addiction gets a little out of control, and as time passes a person’s own resources become completely exhausted from spending way too much time and energy feeding that addiction. Depression is a great sign that this one has come home to roost. Generally at this point this person will enlist the help other people.

Helping vs. Enabling

There are many many examples of this that I could cite, but one that really sticks out in my mind is an old friend of mine who may have had a little trouble kicking the alcohol/cocaine habit. So she sometimes frequented some less than savoury places in town. One day she picked up a “traveller”. I know this only because I saw it leave her body in a billow of smokey disgust after I took her out for her birthday and talked for a couple hours about a book I had just read on past lives and ghosts and all such things. By “coincidence” of course.

Looking back I also “know” this, in hindsight, because she acted differently. She was quicker to anger and had a shorter than usual attention span. Like she was distracted. So after “the incident” I asked her why she had allowed this “person” to hang around? She just shrugged her shoulders, said she kinda knew “she” was there because she found herself going out to odd places and doing odd things she didn’t normally do. (Like going to “dive-y” restaurants and drinking cheap draft beer with a particular crowd of folks she’d never met before but that felt like old friends”). And having a lot of internal “arguments” about where to go and what to do. But she also said she kinda didn’t mind. She somehow felt that the “person” needed somewhere to hang out, and well, oddly it was just another drinking buddy. She really wasn’t so sure what to do about it anyway…

So why do we endure parasitic situations time and time again?

We care. We care about humanity. We care about our planet. We care about the animals. We really do just want to do our best to make this planet a better place to live.   Some days, when we are in a “good space”, we feel this in our hearts, and our mission becomes crystal clear…. and then life happens.  Because we are so idealistic and caring, we are often the “go to” people when someone has a problem, or is feeling a little down.  And we let others draw us off our path.

1. Initially we may be responding to a genuine plea for assistance, and anything “borrowed” the seeker may have the good intentions of paying back at a “later date”. But as the slippery slope continues, sometimes a person who is “drowning in their addictions” will stoop to less than honourable means to get their “fix”. Even if they don’t intend it to be that way.
2. Sometimes “bad” situations are tolerable. We get used to them. Sometimes we forget there is another world out there. We function. There is no crisis to spark us into some sort of drastic action. So we “tolerate” our circumstance and get on with our day.
3. We, as creative beings, have learned tons of skills. We are creators. And we are problem solvers. Most of us derive great pleasure in solving “other people’s problems”. Unfortunately, when you are enabling a person, if you attempt to solve their problem they will simply make it bigger and better and test your problem solving even more (at great expense to you). Because they are heavily invested in where they are at.
4. We sometimes feel the need to prove to ourselves just how much we can truly can endure. Where exactly is that “cracking point”? Perhaps we believe it gives us self confidence. We confirm to ourselves that we are not weak hopeless beings lost on a planet. But if you really want to test your endurance, wouldn’t it be cheaper, easier and healthier to take up triathlons? “Enabling” costs a lot of money.
5. Some manipulations can get fairly sophisticated and will catch many people off guard because we simply don’t know all things at all times. And those close to us, if they are on a mission, can learn exactly how to phrase things to get what they want. How do you protect yourself from that? Education is one important thing. The more we know about subject areas the more difficult it is to spin us a tale. But not everyone can know everything about all subjects. We often find ourselves travelling in foreign lands. Where we know very little. How do we protect ourselves under these circumstances?

We are enabling. Plain and simple. We are not doing that person a favour. Their lesson is to learn how to be in their own body and take care of their own selves. The best thing you can do for someone for whom you are enabling is to set them up with an experienced professional that can really give them the help they need. Even if you have to pay for some of the initial help yourself. Trust me, in the long run it will save you a ton of money and a ton of wasted time.

Getting “On With It”

Don’t blame yourself for what you attract into your life. You are a good person. You have a warm and open heart. The brighter you shine your light, the more you will attract all sorts of people. Just because someone who is struggling in some way appears to draw you off your path, this does not mean you have done something wrong. Take the judgement out of it.

You must learn to trust your feelings. When something “feels” off, if you feel resistance, if you feel tired, or if you feel angry …. walk away. You can be polite about it… simply excuse yourself and walk away. Exit the situation as opposed to prologuing the dialogue. The longer the dialogue persists the more likely you are to succumb to the manipulation, because succumbing eventually becomes viewed by yourself as a means of setting yourself free. Don’t feel bad. Humanity has had thousands of years of training in ways to lure you into a web of deceit. This is not a new concept. But in today’s light we have the opportunity to walk away – so do it!

We are all are meant to do very unique, yet each very important, things in this lifetime. Sometimes this concept is overwhelming and it triggers a fear response. We allow others to drag us down and use them as an excuse to hold us back. Our struggles are used to mask our fears. But there are children waiting to be born that need us to fulfill our true mission. So that they can come on to this planet and fulfill theirs. There are people depending on us, and it’s not who you immediately think of.

Ultimately, we need to establish some structure for ourselves about who we are, what we want from life, and what types of things we would like to “keep” in our lives that would further our goals, as opposed to focusing on what we “don’t want”. The clearer we are about what we want in our lives the easier it is for us to say yes to all the wonderful opportunities that come our way. We then simply won’t have time for all the things we “don’t want”. Evaluate every new “project” you undertake… how many people will you serve? Go for the highest and best use of your time. Send the other “projects” off to those more equipped to handle them. Life is short. Life passes you by. Every day is a new day. Use today as an opportunity to foster your dreams. Use today as the day you take that one small step towards getting what you truly want. And you will have it. If you don’t. You won’t.

You will develop your own area of expertise. And you will help a great many people along the way. And these people are waiting for you. They are out there. They are keen. They are receptive. And they will grow. And as they grow, you will grow. And this will have a ripple effect on the entire planet. And you will have a much greater impact than you could ever imagine. The planet needs you to de-clutter, de-tox, and get on with your mission. What are you waiting for?

That’s all for today.  Happy Journeying!

Kathy